April 15, 2024


General will live on forever

How to Know if You Need Marriage Counseling

Peggy Bolcoa, LMFT, PhD, Marriage and Family Therapist

What is Marriage Counseling?

Any couple in a marriage is bound to get into dispute with each other. Disagreements, fights and contention can happen when a couple has different personalities, goals, preferences and needs together in a relationship. Small or minor disagreements can often be solved quickly and are buried, however there may be big problems that can strain the relationship of the marriage and that will make them wonder what will be the condition of the future of the marriage.

How marriage counseling happens when a couple in a marriage wants the guidance of a counselor or therapist to help them identify and resolve conflicts and other issues that arose during their marriage. The therapist guides the couple to have efficient communication with each other so that any unresolved tension, problems and bad feelings with each other can be heard and addressed. The therapist will help the couple work together to create realistic and doable strategies for the marriage to be healthy and function again.

How Do You Know You Need Marriage Counseling?

A married couple usually starts marriage counseling when they know that they can no longer solve their own problems or feel that they can no longer continue in their marriage. When a once healthy and loving relationship reaches the pinnacle where it is already full of irreconcilable differences in all manner of decisions and situations in the marriage, then they know that they need to seek help from a therapist to guide them to bring back a loving, healthy and strong marriage.

However, if the married couple have not reached the ultimate end, to dissolve the marriage but still have feelings of needing and wanting help with other issues in the marriage then, this may be a sign on your part to seek the help of a marriage counselor.

If you want help in your marriage but do not know where to start, here are 4 signs that you need marriage counseling.

1.Lack of communication

Lack of communication with each other can hinder the growth and condition of a marriage. Usually, no or poor communication will lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, fights and feelings of contempt with each other.

A married couple who does not communicate with each other to resolve their conflicts and problems may result in them blaming each other for everything and either of them having a sudden change in attitude, behavior or personality.


You are indifferent in your relationship if you no longer care if you hurt the feelings of your spouse, avoiding talking about current issues, no longer want to spend time with the other, not caring about loyalty or infidelity, do not care about what happens in your spouse’s life, and wanting to live without the other.

Indifference can make a marriage dissolve due to the lack of interest in a spouse’s life. Through marriage counseling the therapist will explore issues and study the past in order to explain what has happened to the state of the marriage.

3.Constant Fights

Constantly fighting with each indicates a lack or poor communication in the marriage. If you and your spouse often have fights and disagreements over many things, big and small then it is a major sign that you need marriage counseling.

Fighting with the other even over little issues can make you and your spouse to be sensitive, defensive and in constant guard with the other.

4.Lack of trust

When a marriage has no trust then the couple will start to keep secrets and lies from each other. They are in a constant state of distrust and with feelings of uncertainty with the other as they no longer feel safe and secure in the marriage.

If there is no trust then there is no intimacy and good faith in the marriage. If one spouse feels that they can no longer convey deep feelings and emotion then this can weaken the relationship.

Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

With the right and competent marriage counselor or therapist, going to marriage counseling can do wonders for your marriage. A therapist can help turn around a marriage that has turned sour and help bring back renewed feelings of love and trust again.

However, counseling and the therapy can only be successful if both couples are in coherence with each other, they both are in counseling because they want to and are willing to be there in order for their marriage to work again.